The Hoerner Happenings...

Friday, August 6, 2010


I hate women's perfume that permeates the air, stings your nostrils and embeds itself in your sinuses until the end of time. Seriously, how do they think they smell nice??

I can't stand when someone asks me if a patient is in the clinic or upstairs getting blood work and I tell them they're not here at al, that we don't have a patient here by that name. They argue with me and insist that they were just here until I tell them that they're in a completely different clinic and walk away with their tail between their legs. Ok, do you honestly think I'm just going to tell you someone's NOT here just for fun?? Just for kicks?? I might be a biotch at times...but I would certainly NEVER give you incorrect information about your loved one.

Please don't argue with me about whether or not you need blood work. I could care less. I'm just doing my job here. I don't have an MD or RN behind my name. I don't get paid enough. Tell me if you've had blood work within the past 7 days and we'll be cool. Thanks.

Just because I was in the Cancer Clinic for a year and a half (which felt like an eternity) does not mean you should continually come up to me and ask me to do things the "permanent" employees do. I'm a float. Act like I know nothing.
You're white. Your name is white. Your mother is white and wears awful perfume. Refrain from speaking like you just rolled out of 'da hood and wearing clothes that you and I could both fit in, together. You just look and sound like an idiot. Just sayin.

Going along with the last post...You're in America. If you can't speak the language, GET OUT. Go back to Abajikistan, Mexico or wherever you came from. And yes, Abajikistan IS a country. Don't question me.

Why would you just walk in to a clinic and sit down in the waiting area? When you go to your family doctor, do you just sit down in the waiting room and hope that they know you're there?? Generally speaking, all physician's offices have a reception area...with staff...whatever sitting behind desks. Last time I checked it's helpful to tell those people who you are before sitting down if you want to be seen by a physician, otherwise you're gonna be sitting there for a while. And believe me, this has happened on MULTIPLE occasions.

Don't talk to me while I'm in the middle of checking in a patient. I don't care who you are. It's rude. Let me finish and then I'll be glad to help you with whatever crappy favor you need. Thanks.

I'm convinced all people are pretty dumb. They don't read, they don't listen, and they certainly can't follow directions. Pretty sure these were basic functions we were taught back in elementary school. Did the stupid stick hit you or are you just really flippin lazy??

Today's a crabby day for me. As you can tell. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take much for me to go ape on someone and give them a loving round house kick to the throat. Here's hoping it gets better!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

My Nose

MAD props to my bfffffff Alyssa. Ingenious. Using chapstick on your nose when it's all sore and stingy from blowing it all the time. My nose is forever indebted to you. (And yes, I said MAD props. Don't judge me.)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Why I Love the People at My Job...

As most know, I got married on September 18th, 2009. I changed my name on September 20th, 2009. I filled out the appropriate paperwork to change my name at work in...October or so. I figured what's the rush?? :) It has taken until 2 days ago, emails back and forth to HR, and filling out a new set of paperwork for me to receive notification that in order to "comply" with our company's policy and the Department of Health, I needed to turn in my old photo id badge for a new one with the appropriate changes on it. I'm sorry, but you're totally making me feel threatened by this when I put my name change information in MONTHS AGO and NOW I need to comply to policy. Ok fine. I primp and preen to make sure my new id badge is super special. It does have my new name it, after all! I take time out of my lunch break today and walk the 1/2 mile across the hospital, down to the basement to the inner depths of hell to the ID Bage/Parking office. I walk in and wait patiently. This is the conversation and my experience:

Me: Hi! I got an email stating I needed to come down for a new badge. (Hands her old badge)
Her: ...silence.......more silence....*nasty voice* Did you have a NAME CHANGE or SOMETHING??? *glares at me*
Me: YeS. *extra pronounciation on the S*
Her: Well WHAT is your new name??? *nasty voice*
Me: Hoerner. H-O-E-R...
Her: *nasty tone* H..O...What??
Me: *Nastier tone while staring her in the eye* E-R-N-E-R
Her: ....silence....
Her: ....more silence...
Her: ....even MORE silence...
Seriously, I'm about to explode from the tension in this office.
Badge machine is making funny noises...
Her: ....she's still silent...
About 2 minutes later out pops my id, she snatches it from the machine. Looks at the back. Sweetly smiles at me and hands it over.
Her: There you are!! :)
Me: Thank you VERY much!!! :) *underlying tone seriously b*tch I wanna punch you*

First of all, hang on a sec, where's my new pic???! I didn't even dare go there bc if she was rude to me any more I was seriously going to climb over the desk and harm her in some way. I primped for nothing. And I'm stuck with my picture from last year with part of my hair sticking up. AWESOME.
Second, I don't feel it's EVERY necessary to be so hostile in dealing with other humans. Unless that person is threatening your life or is trying to harm you in some nice! Our hospital's current "motto" is: Good people. Great Care. Or something along those lines. I'm thinkin' they may want to reconsider that first part considering some of the ogres they have working in this place. Sheesh.. Remind me never to change job positions or change my name EVER again.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Loud Talkers

I have a co-worker who feels the need to practically yell in normal conversation. Luckily we don't work directly together, but she's still THERE. Maybe she has a medical condition that she can't control the volume of her voice? Nope, I'm just gonna say she's the type of person who feels the need for EVERYONE to hear what she's saying. Obviously what she has to say is WAY more important than everyone else and she knows ABSOLUTELY everything about EVERYTHING. It makes me crazy. I'm sitting at my desk currently. There are MULTIPLE walls in between her and I...I can hear her and it hurts my ears. My husband accuses me of having a hearing superpower, but I can assure you--I'm no superhero. Seriously, I'd love to scream at this woman. She makes me crazy. With her "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!" attitude. I may go postal...wait I'm not a mail carrier. We'll call it...oh I'm so deaf in my right ear right now I can't think straight...we'll just call it ape-shit. Yes. That sounds about right. Friggin' ape-shit. Oy...someone save me.


The bathroom situation was A-OK today. :) Just sayin'!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bathroom of Panic...

I hate when you go in to the bathroom and it's just you and another person. Silence. You go in your stall. Silence. You unzip. Silence. You proceed to squat on the potty. Silence. You TRY to non-chalantly start to pee. Silence. You're trying SOOO hard to pee! Silence. You can't pee!!! Silence. And if you try to...what if you fart???! But you KNOW inside your head that you HAVE TO PEE. Silence. COME OUT PEE!!!! Silence. Finally....a trickle. Silence. A steady stream starts and you start to relax. Silence. Aaaannnnd...done. Still silence. You wonder what the other person is doing. Is there going to be a massive eruption as you exit the bathroom?? Are they ok?? I wonder if they're sleeping...? Silence. You pull up your drawers, button and zip. Unlock yourself from your dungeon of panic. Silence. Wash hands. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. Silence. What the crap are you doing in there???? Silence. Dry off your hands as quickly as possible because now you know that there's probably a disaster about to strike in that stall. Exit bathroom stage left..or right however you're standing. Silence. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON IN THERE?? Soo weird...
I know there is probably a rational reason as to why this scenario went down the way it did. Maybe she was having some tummy issues. That's when I find a PRIVATE bathroom. Seriously, if her bottom exploded into a nuclear cloud of horrible-ness why would you make anyone else experience that?? Awful.

And this ladies and gentleman is the type of thing that goes through my head.

Friday, January 22, 2010

So...I Got Married!

Yep! It happened! Pretty picture perfectly too! Beautiful decorations, beautiful dress, and my beautiful bff! Ok so there was SO much more to it than that, but my bff was beautiful! lol We had the most wonderful photography on the planet! We definitely could not have done any of it without our wonderful families. Now we just have to get through my sister in law's wedding and we're DONE with weddings for a looooong time! lol